Magazines
by Tall Tails - Feline Jaye
Summary: Mello goes snooping around Near's room and finds some INTERESTING magazines... *Set in Whammy House days - One-shot*


Mello was sneaking around Whammy's House. Not that this was too unusual. Today, he had decided to sneak around Near's room, in hope of blackmail or just general teasing material.

After comfirming that Near was in fact in the common room (and not moving anytime soon), he eased the door open and stepped inside. he looked around him, deciding where to start.

He rummaged through the bookself, opening up ever book in case there where any hollowed out books. He searched the cupboard, but found only boxes of Lego and jigsaw puzzels. He explored the chest of drawers, but found (to his amusment and disappointment) nothign but white briefs, pajama-like tops and pajama-like pants.

Mello turned, only on thing in the room left to search. Near's bed. Everyone knew that was were the secrets were held, under the matteress. He walked over, dropped to his stomach and started searching under Near's bed.

Mello's hand finally closed on something and when he pulled it out into the light it turned out to be-

Dust. It was Fluffy dust that had collected under Near's bed.

_Damnit! Doesn't Near have any secrets? Or more to the point, any secrets I can find out about?_

Then an idea struck him. He'd heard from some of the older boys where people hid things they didn't want found. Between the bed and the mattress. Mello stuck his hand under the mattress and-

_Bingo!_

Pulled out some magazines. After a glance of the typical 'plastic girl' that was on the front cover of the first one, he knew these were the kind of magazines you didn't get just to read the articles. Mello flipped through the pages of unrealistically built males and girls with out of proportion breasts, waists and legs.

_Those are **obviously** plastic. He's barely in boardshorts! And look at those positions! Look how flexible they are. And I don't think two guys are meant to **ever** be in those sorts of positions. But woah! Look at what they're dressed in! Look what they can come with!_

He replaced the magazines and slilently left the room, smirking while thinking of how he could use his new knowlage to get at Near.

* * *

Mello stood outside Near's door, hearing the noises he made. Mello had to wait for the exact right moment... But he was much to impaiant for that.

mello burst into the room and Near looked up with a flush of embaressment. After a few seconds to assess everything, Mello charged forward, sat on Near's stomach (pinning him) and grabbed the two object from each of Near's hands.

"Do you want to come to my pool parry Ken?" Mello mocked in an overly fake and high-pitched voice, wiggling the Barbie doll in his hands about.

"Oh of course I would love to come, Barbie." This time in a too-deep macho voice, the Ken doll in his other hand now being wiggled around.

"Hey Barbie," he continued on in his Ken voice. "You know whose really smart? Mello."

"Oh I know." he switched to the Barbie voice. "And he's so attractive. I'm so glad that he's the new top detective."

"So am I. And I'm especially glad it's not that **Near** kid." just for the word 'Near', Mello had switched out of the Ken voice back to his own to make sure it was said with maximum sneer. He made Barbie respond.

"So am I. After all, **Near**'s twelve and still plays with **dolls**! What kind of a detective does **that**?!"

Mello stood up laughing and dropped the toys in his hand. He turned and walked out the door, happy for that small victory.

_It's his fault anyway, _He reasoned, _After all, who keeps Barbie magazines under their mattress?_

* * *

AN: Ah ha ha ha ha. I know what you all thought it was!

I came up with that last night, curtesy to an actual M/N fanfic I read which had the line (said by Near to Mello) "Just because you kept them, doesn't mean you were the first to find those magazines."

And it was such an open (yet suggestive) statement that I couldn't help but wonder... and then I remembered some damn Barbie magazine from years ago.

Reviews please!


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